Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
