If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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