So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
