please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is Oprah even human
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
