I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
