he was CRYING into my vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
