My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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