i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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