He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
