I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
should my penis look like a turkey
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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