We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
