The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
