you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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