I will die if light touches me.
In America we eat man semen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
