You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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