tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
