some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
