U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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