You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
