I accidentally had phone sex last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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