I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
