my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
