What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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