Your tits are I can't wait for
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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