Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
