The maid of honor just puked.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
