Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
