The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
its not stalking. its research.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
