It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
