i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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