Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
