She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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