I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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