Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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