wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
