Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
