so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
