You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
