Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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