in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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