At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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