dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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