He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
