Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize