It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
