yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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