my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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