I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
