listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
