ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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