I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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