idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
