Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
