I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
