I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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