Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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