The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
