i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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