We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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