I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
