so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
