Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize