That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
