Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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