Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
