Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize